U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
