Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We are all done wearing pants today
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
