Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
