i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am available for nakedness
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
