dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
