Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
