I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
