I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
