I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
