wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
