Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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