Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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