he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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