Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
