I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
