It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
