Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
