The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
