Don't you send me to vm
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
