I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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