I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
