don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
