Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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