Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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