i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You left your phone here
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