Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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