I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
