i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
