is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
