The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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