Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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