dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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