She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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