And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
