We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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