I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's always time for handjobs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
