apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
