Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
