I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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