nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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