I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my being single is dangerous.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm always down for nudity.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
