soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
