Screwed.edu
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
