dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
