Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
