wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
