dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
