genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
