accomplished twins. life is a go
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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