his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
