I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
