Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
