toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
