i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
