he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
