goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
