Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
