I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
