I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
