you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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