when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
