this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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