i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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