Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
