He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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