I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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