So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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