You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
