After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
