The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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