I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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