I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
